A/N: I'm watching Jigoku Shoujo Mitsuganae, and I've just fallen in love with the opening song.
Tsukihana, by Nana Kitade.
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Tsukihana
MazdaKitsune
"Agh!"
For the third time that night, a tail smacked across the face of a girl, throwing her to the ground with it's force to land painfully on her back. Jade Castero lost her grip on her katana, the blade falling to her side, vivid emerald green eyes closed in pain as the impact rattled her spine, threatening to fracture it at least.
She wasn't herself... that was for sure. Maybe it was just because the hidden bitterness deep inside her had built up until she just had, just needed to find an escape? Maybe..... God, she felt like laughing at herself now, a trickle of blood running down from the corner of her lips as it turned up in a mocking smile. She couldn't help it, all those times made her feel numb inside; she just wanted to end it all sometimes... but she couldn't. Because she had a duty, and she had to keep it.
Jade wasn't pretty, not pretty at all by any standards. She had large emerald eyes, eyes that potrayed her emotions as clearly as the moon, and scars that marred the otherwise smooth skin of her body, the results of her rough childhood and the marks of her trade. But she had that fresh look of youth that made up for her looks, and a thick curtain of black hair that cascaded past her shoulders. Her body was lean, firm... not desiring the soft, curvy look any girl her age would kill for. Overall, she was good-looking, but didn't consider herself pretty.
She had ran out that day... simply left just to be alone with herself and her deep emotions. How much bitterness had she accumulated through the years? Jade felt like screaming, just going to a quiet place to scream and scream until she broke down in tears, tears that she would not allow anyone, not even her own adopted mother to see. She never let anyone see her tears. This was another ironic situation... she wanted an escape from the sadness and pain and she had gotten it...
... In the form of a spirit fox, a white demon with many flowing tails and red glowing eyes that was now sitting afar from her and watching her quietly as if waiting for her to get up and fight. It was strange, how the animal spirit had appeared just like that, just as the clouds unveiled the moon. It carried itself with dignity, attacking when she attacked, never once taking advantage of it's opponent, not even when her back was turned and she carelessly left openings for it to attack.
For the whole day she had done nothing but walk aimlessly, her face devoid of any expression, her eyes empty, hands shoved in the pockets of her jacket, katana slung across her back, until evening had come and she still hadn't gone back... the poeple waiting for her might possible get worried, but she didn't want to move just yet. Then the mystical fox had shown up...
What was she....? 18, going on 19... she was so young, yet all this had happened to her. One bad luck after another. Losing her family, growing up on the streets, finding love only to have her heart mangled up and broken so badly she couldn't even piece it back together, then running away from everything and everyone she knew.... Her eyes prickled, and finally... a tear or two fell silently to the ground. She was just a scared young girl trying to survive in a big world, having grown up far too fast, behind the facade of a strong and carefree person.
It was true... she had freedom, but she wanted the birdcage.
Jade wanted someone to be there for her.
And on this day... she never wanted it more.
She blamed it on the person who had caused the bitterness to grow, then blamed herself for falling in love with him in the first place. Her lips moved as she whispered to herself silently. "Anata ga nakucha ikirarezu... Kuchiru yoru o oikaketa no wa... Watashi o subete sono ude e... Ubai agete hoshikatta kara..."
If you were gone, then I wouldn’t be able to live. I chased after the dying night because I wanted to let you take everything of mine into your arms...
The lyrics of a song she had heard before... Tsukihana, or Moonflower.
Jade's eyes focused dimly on the full moon overhead, slightly unfocused as she mulled it over in her thoughts. She was like a flower that did not bloom during the day. Moonflower.... she loved the thought. Certain Moonflowers were beautiful, yet there were some that were dangerous, having thorns to protect themselves. Some even contained poison... blooming during the night when the moon was at it's fullest to spread it's pollen by the night moths.
She needed that escape from the bitterness, alright. She needed it badly... to finally bloom. But she wasn't just a normal girl... she had grown up on the streets. Like the Moonflower, she was different from other girls.
If I’m not with you, I can’t be satisfied... I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself... So I shuddered and pushed myself up on this two feet....
'Do you really want to die here...?' a voice came from inside her thoughts. 'Poor, poor girl.. you've always been alone, and that's how it's going to stay. That man ruined your life, and here you are... alone again. Is it even worth it, dying for a man like that...? You had strength... strength to push on... where is that strength now? You're no ordinary girl, Jade Castero.'
And then realization came to her. All she needed to do was to accept and pour out these feelings.
"Sou desu ne, yo?" Jade said quietly, and the fox tilted it's head when it heard her voice. "Watashi wa.... mada saikoro ja nakutte. Datte... watashi jya na kya yurusanakutte."
It watched silently as she pushed herself up to stand on her feet again, her right hand reaching out to grasp the handle of her katana tightly. Under the moonlight, the young girl faced the spirit fox in a field, the wind blowing softly in a breeze around them. "That man... he broke my heart into pieces. But..." She opened her eyes, fire flashing in it's emerald depths, her fighting spirit back. "Until that day comes when I can finally let go of all my bitterness, I'll keep pushing myself up to stand on my two feet! Sou... I smile because no matter what, I'll always get back up to stand!"
I'm saved by endless slavery, but amazingly the lock is broken... I'm like the crazy little bird, that wants to be in a birdcage...
"Gomen. I've kept you waiting." And with that, Jade rushed forwards again, feeling slightly better as the two clashed in yet another attack. She still hadn't been able to release those emotions of hers, but as the last of the tears stopped, peace came to her. One day she would have to face her darkness again... and when that day came, she hoped to finally be free of it.
A flower embraced by lies...
~Owari~
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A/N:
1) Jade's words were: "That's it isn't it? I... can't die now. Because... I won't be able to forgive myself."
2) The mystical fox is actually a spirit that manifested to help Jade get over the bitterness threatening to overflow her soul and to keep it in check. All she had to do was come to terms with her feelings and memories, then find peace within herself. I think the idea came from some myth or so.. I can't remember.
3) This came from the song Tsukihana.
